Maybe you’ve seen today’s news story of a father who filmed his daughter’s birth—while driving to the hospital.

Oddly, it was introduced as a “feel-good” piece which was “guaranteed to put a smile on your face.” Says whom? As a former child protection worker and now a journalist, I’m appalled – not that one needs to be either of course, to be equally incensed. In case you missed it:

http://tinyurl.com/p76zuos

I appreciate birth is a magical moment. At the same time, there surely is no more delicate life than a newborn. Despite this, the father showed scant regard for his baby girl,  his partner—and anyone else on the road at the time.

His actions speak to a new low in the narrative of over-documenting and over-sharing.  Are we so fixated in our addiction and apparent right to record every moment, that we risk  lives to capture them? We’ve all seen and read stories where people have caused  fatalities while texting or otherwise preoccupied with their phones.

He should be arrested. Breathtaking stupidity can’t be challenged with a mere warning or lecture. One can only imagine how he’d cope if he had killed his infant, or left her destined for a wheelchair before she could ever take her first steps. Throw him in jail to make him miss the first few nights of his baby’s life. Better he be forced to reflect on his actions, which could so easily have left her dead.

#Arrestdriverdad #Arrestnewdaddriver

Your thoughts?

The post Oversharing & Underthinking. appeared first on Alicia Young.

Could you organize the group gift?

Could you babysit this weekend?

Could you lend me some money (again)?

Meet Carla. She said yes to all these requests—this past weekend.

People who meet her see a dynamic, caring and accomplished woman.

They’re right.They’re just missing something—Carla is a people-pleaser. You won’t find it highlighted on her resume, or part of her online profile, but it’s there.

Carla struggles to say no. She is warm and caring at her core, so it’s no act—she wants to help. But then she feels resentful later, when her time is stretched.

Have you ever suffered a little bout of the “the disease to please”? Sure, there are short-term payoffs when we say yes: we feel good, we see the other person’s relief, we hear and feel their appreciation…then later, it hits: how am I going to juggle this?

What’s a Savvy Girl to do?

She starts with a little naval gazing: how many times has she found herself in this position recently (be honest, then pass the chocolate.)? What motivated her? Was it pressure or guilt (more chocolate)? Did it stem from a desire to be liked (break out the Belgian truffles)?

Practice saying no. It seems like petulant toddlers are the only ones allowed to declare “No!” with utter defiance.

Let’s reclaim it.

Say no to small things at first, then work your way up.

If you’re not up to that, buy time: say you’ll think about it, or you’ll need to check, and you’ll get back to them; then email or text, if you’re not comfortable yet saying no in person or on the phone.

Anticipate the guilt trip and the broken-record responses, so that you’re not blindsided by them.

Respect and protect your free time.

Remind yourself that you can support your friends, but you don’t need to take on their problems.

Make this year about saying no.

Then get ready to say yes to the things that you really want to do in your free time.

What sort of things do you find are sticky to say no to? What works for you?

Cheers,

Alicia

The post The Year of No. appeared first on Alicia Young.

Gold bars – Abu Dhabi (just how many coins would you need to put in?)

Cupcakes – LA (sold!)

Nail Polish – Paris. Hmm.

Bras – Tokyo. Seriously.

Live Bait – Reading, Pennyslvania. (eek).

Marijuana – Boulder, Colorado.

What would you like to find in a vending machine that would make your day easier? Here’s mine:

• A  flask of uber-confidence, to be swigged before a big presentation, a job interview or when you’re about to meet your ex’s new partner.
• The perfect LBD (if it’s not an urban myth).
• The five food groups aka. actual tasty, healthy snacks not dating back to the Clinton administration.

Over to you.

The post At your fingertips … appeared first on Alicia Young.

Favorite words, phrases and other sayings find their way into our days. I once read that actress Sarah Jessica Parker used the word “grace” as a password, to remind her of this essential element. Here’s some of mine:

“People come into our lives for a reason, a season or a lifetime.”  – Author unknown. Not every player in our lives will be a permanent cast member. Sometimes they cross paths, play their role, and bow out.

“I don’t trust anyone who doesn’t laugh.” – Maya Angelou. So true!

“Success is not final, and failure is not fatal.” – Churchill.  Enjoy our successes, to be sure, but this nudges us not to get complacent.  And it reminds us that growth (and fun!) comes from trying something new, even when we crash and burn the first time.

A Savvy Girl always have a few words up her sleeve to sustain her, amuse her, or to lend perspective. What favorite phrases or quotes resonate for you?

The post Words to live by: our favorite quotes. appeared first on Alicia Young.

A baby’s laughter is surely one of life’s intoxicating sounds. When little ones are amused, their joyous gurgles bubble up from within. They’re fully in the moment, sometimes unaware of anyone else, perhaps fully engaged in their own toes. And it’s always genuine. A baby doesn’t chortle dryly at some wry political joke, or at their own witty observation, and they certainly don’t laugh at someone else’s misfortune (that dreaded schadenfreude).

Today there’s serious competition to make us laugh, from “Funny or Die” videos, to pay-per-view comedy routines, to any amount of animal antics online to drive traffic to sites.

A sense of humor is a finely tuned instrument; what makes one of us dissolve into fits, could leave someone else bored or scratching their head. Years ago, there was aTV ad that made me laugh every time. It was a sausage. In psychotherapy. You had to be there…

What makes you laugh? And how much is laughter a part of your day, or your relationships with family, friends or colleagues?

The post Laughter appeared first on Alicia Young.

Each of us has a relationship with time. We might bluster through our day, lurching from appointment to appointment, or we might move like molasses, unperturbed.

Society vows “faster” is better. I found a spray called a “sixty-second shower” —apparently, a few good squirts, and you’re good to go. A fast food ad proclaims “Served in nine minutes—or it’s free.”

Carl Honoré is an international journalist, always jetting off to exotic locales—and always battling the clock as he races to file the story. A pivotal moment inspired him to write In Praise of Slowness (Harper Collins, 2004). He was skimming a newspaper between connecting flights, when he spotted an ad for one-minute fairy tales. On the surface, it seemed heaven-sent for a harried father. Then it struck him: why would he want to fast-track that precious time with his two year old?

Consider the language we use around time; we often approach it as a statement of lack, not a statement of abundance. And we equate time to money, that other yardstick of value.
A boss yells, “Where are those reports? Time is money!”
A daughter rolls her eyes and bleats, “Mom, I just can’t spend all day on that!”
Someone else sighs, “My time is stretched so thin right now…”
There simply never seems enough hours in the day.

Except, there is. Consider this: Helen Keller had twenty-four hours in her day. So does Hilary Clinton. So did Mother Teresa.
I appreciate there will always be demands on our time.

What minutes or moments count most in your day?

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If you’re complimented on a dress, how do you respond? “Oh, this old thing?” We can make others feel silly for their seemingly questionable taste. Others think a compliment must be automatically volleyed back to the giver, something like a shuttlecock in badminton. “You look great!” gushes one girl. “You too!” squeals the other. It sounds like a scene in a slasher movie, right before the prom queen meets a grisly fate.

And a Savvy Girl takes a moment to compliment an older lady. These women often take such care before they step into the world, their hair coiffed just so, a carefully chosen brooch setting off a smart blouse. Yet often, no one really notices. Go ahead: tell them! I was once enjoying a lazy read in a London park, where I saw two people greet each other. The man presented the lady with a rose; that was interesting, as she had a suitcase and seemed to be jetting off somewhere. Soon after, they parted. After her friend left, the lady approached a well-dressed older woman at a nearby bench. “I noticed you looking so elegant,” she said. “It made me want to give you this.” The older lady beamed. The flower could easily have been discarded, but the first woman made it count for someone else.

How do you handle compliments?

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He got only grunts and rolling eyes in response. They barely looked up from their phones, hypnotized by their screens.

Many others around us were similarly glued to their screens, as they had coffee and chatted with friends.

Neighbors have a great rule when they go out to dinner: all the phones go in the center of the table — and the first to check their phone has to pay the bill. Fantastic! Remember how we used to reminisce, tease, and debate over some detail, like which actor starred in that movie, or when a certain rock band came to town? Now, someone just whips out a phone to fact-check, when having the answer isn’t usually pivotal.

What’s a Savvy Girl to do? How do you manage the small screen? And how do you handle it when friends or family can’t tear themselves away from their screens?

The post The Small (small) Screen: addicted to our phones. appeared first on Alicia Young.

Public speaking is a fabulous life skill, and it needn’t be a daunting one to acquire. Whether we speak to agitate, educate or entertain, being able to speak in front of others helps across social and professional settings.

What’s a Savvy Girl to do? I can’t recommend Toastmasters enough (& to be clear, I don’t get a cent for endorsement.) I thought TM was a stuffy organization, full of men in tweed suits and women in twinsets and pearls, sipping sherry. I couldn’t have been more wrong. Check one out (www.toastmasters.org) – in fact, check out a few different clubs, as each group has a different vibe.

A brief rundown: each meeting has a few prepared speeches (usually 5-7 mins) and then anyone can get up for Table Topics™, impromptu talks of 1-3 mins. You might get anything from a favorite childhood memory, to a quote, to a color to prompt you. It’s relaxed and fun; you’ll feel supported, your nerves diminishing and your speech becoming more polished. Depending on your country, the first six months costs about $90, $70 thereafter – your first years’ dues are less than an hour with a coach.

Besides, you never know when you’ll need to purr your thanks at the Oscars™, graciously receive an award at the company dinner, or introduce someone at a conference.

How do you feel about public speaking? I’d love to hear your triumphs and your Savvy recoveries.

The post One Fabulous Tip on Public Speaking appeared first on Alicia Young.

First: not being able to talk at my usual 90mph.

At the hairdressers’, our dynamic changed. We normally chat nonstop about life, movies, and the headlines—in between solving the world’s problems (if he’d added the ten-minute hot oil treatment, we would have nailed the mid-east peace process.)

Instead, I listened. And without our rapid-fire volleys, we shifted gears. To the pain of seeing his elderly mother enter a home. To his worries that his son is struggling at school. Sure, we still laughed, but with more attention to other things.

I relied on hand signals, clumsy at first:  I looked as if I was landing a plane, arms flailing in all directions. Marcel Marceau would have been proud. Or not. Eventually, they became more nuanced.

With my newfound economy of speech, I weighed my utterances carefully. Like words on a news script, each had to earn its place. I tuned in more to the other person – their pitch (high and stressed?), pace (relaxed?) and their body language (betrayed or conveyed their dialogue?)

And listening to the car radio, I realized some long-misheard lyrics, like R.E.M’s Losing my Religion. Turns out, it doesn’t say: Let’s pee in the corner, Let’s pee in the spotlight…

Laryngitis, glad you hit the road. But maybe you weren’t all bad.

Do you feel listened to? And how good a listener are you?

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